I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
