He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
