Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
