There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
nutella sex= disaster
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
