You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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