I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
