My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
