You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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