Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
