Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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