I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
