I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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