Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
