Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She bit a glass in half.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
