He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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