at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize