I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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