Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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