I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
