dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You took a bar mat shot.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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