my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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