Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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