super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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