ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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