How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
