i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
