I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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