She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think my fart just growled at me.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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