You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
