come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
