I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I have tasted many bathrooms
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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