I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
