Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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