remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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