I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize