Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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