She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
