That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
