the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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