if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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