hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
