i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
