do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
