Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the high leading the old right now
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I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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