I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize