not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
