Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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