I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
