Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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