there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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