I wish my penis had an off switch
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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