I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize