I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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