New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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