I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
