We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Randomize
