The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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