so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
