if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
