The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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