What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
