did you get engaged???
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
