nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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