Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
