i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
