I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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