i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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