i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
