This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
