then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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